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Mr. Adams Comes
Into our hotel room entered the same fat little man with the iron body whom we had seen at the reception in our consulate.
"Gentlemen," he said, without any preliminaries, "I want to help you. No, no, no! You don't understand. I regard it as my duty to help every Soviet person who comes to America."
Several minutes of association with Mr. Adams made it clear to us that we do not understand America, that we do not understand the Soviet Union at all, and that in general we understand nothing of anything at all, like newborn calves.

But it was quite impossible to be annoyed with Mr. Adams. When informed of our intention to undertake an  automobile journey thorough the states, he cried: "Surely!" and attained such a state of excitement that he suddenly opened his umbrella which he carried under his arm and for some time stood under it, as if protecting himself from rain.
"No, no, gentlemen! You don't understand anything! We need a plan! A plan for the journey! That's the main thing! And I will make that plan for you. No, no, don't talk! You cannot possibly know anything about it!"
He suddenly took off his coat, pulled off his spectacles, flung them on the couch (later he looked for them in his pockets for about ten minutes), spread an automobile road map of America on his lap, and began to trace curious lines on it. Right there before our eyes he was transformed from a wild eccentric into a businesslike American.
We exchanged glances. Was this not perchance the ideal creature of whom we had dreamed? Was this not luxuriant hybrid which even Michurin and Burbank together could not have brought forth?
In the course of two hours we traveled over the map of America. What an exhilarating occupation that was! For some time we discussed the advisability of driving into Milwaukee, in the state of Wisconsin. There you find two La Follettes, one a governor and one a senator, and it was possible to get letters of introduction to both of them. An enviable situation! Two Muscovites sit in New York and decide the question of a journey to Milwaukee. If they like, they'll go there; if not they won't!
Old Adams sat there, calm, clean, self-contained. No, he did not recommend that we go the pacific ocean by the northern rout through Salt Lake City, the city of the salt lake. By the time we arrived there, the mountain passes might be in snow.
"Gentlemen!" exclaimed Mr. Adams." "This is very very dangerous. It would be foolish to risk your lives. No, no, no! You cannot imagine what an automobile journey is."
"But the Mormons?" we moaned.
"No, no! Mormons – that is very interesting. Yes, yes, Mormons are the same Americans as others. But snow – that is very dangerous!"
How delightful it was to talk of dangers, of mountain passes, of prairies! But even more delightful was it to calculate, pencil in hand, the extent to which automobile was cheaper than going by railway, the number of gallons of petrol needed for a thousand miles, the cost of dinners, of a modest dinner for a tourist. For the first time we heard the words "camp" and Tourist-house." Although we had not yet begun our journey we were already concerned about keeping expenses down, and although we had no automobile we were already concerned about greasing it. We began to regard New York as a dark hole from which we must forthwith escape.
When our elated discussion passed into the stage of incomprehensible shouts, Mr. Adams suddenly jumped off the couch, caught his head in his hands, squinted in dumb desperation, and stood like that for a full minute. We were frightened. Without opening his eyes, Mr. Adams began to knead his head in his hands and to mutter:
"Gentlemen, everything is lost! You don't understand anything!"
And then what we did not understand became clear.
Mr. Adams had come here with his wife and , having left her in their automobile, had run to see us for just a second in order to ask us to his house for lunch. He had run in for just a second!

Без обиняков
Несколько минут общения
Вообще ни в чем не понимаем
Он бросил очки на диван
На коленях
Не то ли это
Роскошный гибрид
Корректны
Стонали мы
Высчитывать с карандашом в руках
Мы заботились о его смазке
Восторженные разговоры
Он зажмурил глаза
Тут же выяснилось то, чего мы не понимали

Пригласить нас к себе завтракать
Тот самый толстяк
Я считаю своим долгом помочь
Как новорожденные телята
Невозможно было сердиться
Пришел в такое возбуждение
Словно укрываясь от дождя
Сорвал с себя очки
Разостлал на коленях автомобильную карту
На наших глазах он превратился из сумбурного чудака в строгого и делового американца
Мы переглянулись
Какое это было увлекательное занятие!
Заехать в Милвоки или не заезжать
Завидное положение!
Там к нашему приезду перевалы могут оказаться в снегу.
Было бы глупо рисковать жизнью
Как приятно было говорить об опасностях, о перевалах, о прериях!
Количество галлонов бензина, потребного на тысячу миль
Мы заботились о сокращении расходов

Мрачная дыра
Невнятный  крик
В немом отчаянии
Забежал к нам на минутку